A Message From Debbie

THIS MESSAGE EDITED ON BOTTOM


I am sorry this is taking so long, but it is so draining to write about Jack that I just can't face it sometimes Today is one of the blue days where I seem to tear up over everything. I do miss him terribly and am only consoled by the fact that I made the right decision and my dear sweet boy is in no more discomfort.

The end came quite suddenly, but I had had a vague feeling that something was not quite right for a week or so. I was finishing up finals and my dear boy waited until I was done. He knew I wouldn't be able to function if anything happened before finals were over. So two days after my last final, my dear friend went suddenly blind. I had gone to dinner with my sone and when I returned he was curled up against the bathroom door. Behind that door was a little rescue puppy I am fostering and I think Jack was comforted by the sounds of little Jewels through the door. I am tortured by the idea that Jack was so afraid and I was not there. The rest of the night was hard and at about 5 am, we went outside and sat and watched the dawn come. We always loved the early morning in the yard and I know Jack enjoyed every minute of it. We spent the time making a paw print and smelling flowers ( he loves to eat them) The air was so sweet filled with the scent of lilacs, viburnum and honeysuckle. Now when I smell those favorite scents of mine, I think of Jack.

I called his doctor in Columbia at 7 and asked if he wanted to see Jack. He was very appreciative for Amy had already told me that bad thing about the hospital is that people take their dogs home and there is never any feedback and the docs can't learn anything because they never know the outcome. Because they had been so wonderful to Jack, I opted to take him to Columbia for his euthanasia. Maybe they could learn something that would help the next Jack who came to them.

We had a wonderful trip in the car and Jack perked up as we stopped at each of our special spots, Pershing State Park, roadside parks, and of course his Wendy's hamburger and dairy queen. Jack so loved to go in the car and he always went everywhere with me, temperature permitting, so i think it was fitting that we took one last road trip.

Arriving at Columbia, I met Paul at Amy's house so he could say goodby and headed to the hospital. When we got there, I could see that many eyes were filled with tears as they looked at Jack. He had made so many friends at the hospital. It seemed everywhere I turned someone was coming up to Jack and talking to him. I didn't even know some of them and then there were his wonderful doctor, Dr. David Bommarito and my student Mike Factor, his onco tech, Lisa who he loved and Coral the receptionist at the hospital, who always gave him treats. We saw his surgeon, Dr. Luther and many of Amy's friends who came to see us. Lisa took and Amy assisted as they placed the catheter to administer the drugs. They gave him an optho exam which shoed the eyes were perfectly normal, that the blindness was central which to me meant the cancer was back. I think the doctors may have sensed I wasn't quite ready and they asked if they could do a CT to make sure the blindness was indeed from the cancer and not just sudden blindness which affects some older dogs. I wavered and much to my daughter's dismay, I opted to take him home for one more night and think about the CT.

Of course, Amy had much stronger feelings about the prognosis than I since she has the knowledge. But the evening was good. Jack and I had time to say our goodbyes and he had time to tell me it was time for him to leave. When morning came, I immediately called to say there would be no more CT, needles, x-rays, etc. Jack was ready to leave. We went tot he hospital and in one of the most peaceful and miraculous events of my life, I lost my dear friend, but felt such a sense of relief which was his gift to me.

The post mortem and Ct done after his death shoed that his brain was eroded with cancer and the skull and muscles of his head were nearly gone. Yet dear Jack had shown no neuro symptoms, no personality changes, no pain. And that was the miracle of his end and his last gift to me. He helped me get thru school and now as I enter nursing school in the fall, I owe Jack and all of you who gave me extra time I needed to come to terms with saying goodbye to him, everything.

He was my empty nest dog and we were absolutely suited to each other and I know that ther will be a spot in my heart that Jack will always fill. For if one lives in the heart of those he loved, that is not to really leave.

Jack's ashes now rest on the mantle with a baggie of his hair and a picture of my boy. I am still tearful every day after this time, but the sharpness of the pain is diminishing and I smile no through the tears when I think of him. I remember that had he stayed he would have been in pain and that would have been selfish of me.

I can't begin to thank you all for all you have meant to me and jack.

love
Debbie and her angel Jack




EDITING TO SAY:

I know I forgot to tell you all of his last moments. They will be with me forever. As the anesthetic they administered began to make him sleepy and head began to nod, he suddenly sat bolt upright and reached over and touched his nose to mine, then he laid down and put his head upon Amy's feet, which is the way he slept all of his life. I think so you could not get up and leave without him. I think he knew that he was going ahead and at that last moment reached out to us and gave us such comfort with those small gestures. I thank all of you and the good Lord who sent Jack to me when I needed him and let him stay with me until I was ready to let him go. I miss you Jack.

Love,
Debbie

Last Pictures of Jack

Debbie told me she tried to post a long entry on here but, somehow, it disappeared. It took her over an hour to write it. It's really frustrating when something like that happens. Since she has limited time on the computer, she will try to post again as soon as possible but can't promise when that will be. We'll be watching for it. In the meantime, she sent these pictures. The one was in the car on the way to Columbia, and the others are the last three taken of our beautiful boy Jack.

We miss you Jack!!

Joanna